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Letter to my Son-“I want a girlfriend”

Dear son,

Congratulations on reaching a significant milestone in your life. I like to call it the first quarter of your life here on earth. At 25, you are in training to becoming a professional in your field of interest. You have a remarkably spent your extra time well by investing in extracurricular activities that I believe are seeds that if fallen on a good ground, you shall reap in the not-too-distant future. You are grounded in Christianity and not ashamed to be identified as such.

I can tell you all this is a significant achievement. I dare say that at 25, you have done better than your father and your grandfather. It is a good thing. That means there is a deliberate effort to ensure that you as a third-generation boy of the family does better than those before you.

Your sister keeps saying you “cook & clean”. Is that enough reason to get a girl? Now, its time for a “girlfriend”. It was a statement directed at me so here goes: So here is what I want you to consider- just as the psalmist said in Proverbs 31:1-9, before you get one. Oh yes, proverbs 31 is not only for women, so go back and read that again.

• First of all, I am proud you have not scattered the offshoot of our manhood all over the place by being a young irresponsible father. I am proud no woman has a reason to curse you or say vile things about you.

• But let me caution you, once a woman comes into your life, you must be responsible for her and for yourself.• You must be ready to learn and understand how to cope, manage and handle a woman. The good book teaches that for a man to be happy, he must deal with a woman in knowledge. (1Peter 3:7).

• Know that this journey is a never-ending road and for you to be a good partner and husband, getting knowledge is key. Ask any man who thought they already know and did not humble themselves to learn, what it cost them and how much it cost them. So, who is the young woman?

At this point in your life, what kind of girl do you want or need? There is what a man wants and what a man needs. Over the years, we have seen how at the beginning stage of the life of young men, they scout for virtuous and “homely or what they call good girls” to struggle with them. More often than not, the ladies put their dreams on hold for the man to achieve a bigger vision, then after 5 to 10 years when the vision is made manifest, she is no longer good enough.

The men at that point say they desire a better person. In other words, “slay queens or trophy wives”. Be warned that if she invested her youth in building a vision with you and for you, she will be tired and exhausted if you don’t also give her the same attention in equal measure or even more.

Remember the ewe proverb, the right hand washes the left, and the left hand washes the right. Is it help me finish my course or it is let’s do this and for the long haul? Again, let me warn you, visions change and dreams die. Be reminded that if that day ever comes and she says she is better off else where because she has seen a better star or vison, do not force her to stay; for you shall spend the rest of your life regretting if she stays against her will. I can tell you that a lot changes in every full circle. Take that to be decade.

This is 2021, by 2030, where would you be and what would the world be like? No one can tell for corona has come to teach us that nothing is ever going to be static or reliable, except the surest word of God. Just make sure that you don’t ever leave trails of women with broken hearts along the way, for the evil that men do in the begging shall surely hunt in the end. If you find her, ask her important questions. Know her believes and her thought pattern.

No one is perfect but when the two of you meet and agrees that your heart beats together, then you can give each other a chance. Remember that you are two imperfect persons trying to build a perfect life. You are both diamond in the rough and will rub against each other to become smooth. Receive the blessings of a mother. Choose your path, walk it, learn your lessons, live your life to glorify God and be true to yourself. Let’s talk again before you say “I DO”.

Yours Truly,

A mother.

#letters

#realitiesoflife

#sonsanddaughters

Where did my love go? Adult reading in the era of techy distractions.

I found myself just eating. No! binging is the word. I was not hungry in my stomach but I just wanted something in my mouth. I had a good pleasant lunch of “akple and very gracefull delicious okro. Something I have not had in a while. Then I had yogurt for desert.
Then I was picking chocolate and nibbling and swallowing without paying attention to my stomach
I ate mindlessly. This was not conformt eating because I get peacefor my inside. It was not because I was eating any stress away. It was because I was reading a book. Yep! A hard cover book.
I haven’t sat down like this in a very very long time to read over 10 chapters of a book at a sitting. It felt rare, the turning of the pages, it felt luxurious, the feel of the paper, and the joy of discovering new words.. I haven’t had the luxury of reading a novel in a very very long while and this felt like the joy you get from buying new shoes.

It was at this point it dawned on me that I have forgotten the art of reading a novel, forgotten the bliss of getting lost in somewhat a relateable or foreign world.
I remembered how I would forget rice on fire till it burnt and the bottom part was un salvageable. The rice burning episode mostly happened when I was a reading teenager. At that stage in my life, I fell in love easily with the books and they liked me in return.
I didn’t binge those days to read. I read because it was the only option.
Actually, I read myself to hunger. Reading then was satiating I wouldn’t get up to eat till my stomach growled when the characters where running too fast and I lacked physically energy to continue reading.
Now I have forgotten how to read so much so that with every flip of a page, I want something to crunch on.
Now, with so many options and techy distractions, is it any wonder that reading a hard cover book is difficult?
In-between my reading and mindless eating, I flipped through Facebook, LinkedIn and Whatsapp. This is why I have removed kindle from my phone. It only reminded me of books I started reading and never finished just at a glance.
The paradox of life and how we lose little pleasures in the routine of life and adulthood.
I was determined to finish this book in 3 days. It is 55 chapters and I’m on chapter 39.
I’m reading Americana, a book that I have cued to read for years.
Finally this is victory. It is nothing but it is everything because I realized I lost it but I found it – I found my first love again.

@blaqgoldwrites

KAMINI -For the love of Chocolate

Some things are special but some things are more special because they are made with love, made by love and made for love.
I’m talking about Chocolate.
As the world gets ready to celebrate Valentine’s Day and we in Ghana prepare to celebrate our National Chocolate Day, I want to introduce to you handmade, well curated and made in Ghana chocolate- KAMINI.
KAMINI chocolates come in Dark, Milk and White variants. The cocoa content is rich and has no cocoa mass or butter substitutes.
Kamini Dark chocolate has a minimum of 70% cocoa.
Kamini Milk chocolates has a minimum of 43% cocoa
Kamini White chocolates have a minimum of 50% cocoa butter.

7 reasons why you should choose Kamini Chocolate for this season and beyond.
It is made from the finest cocoa beans grown in Ghana.
It is artisanal and carefully curated to meet desired needs of chocolate lovers.
It comes in white chocolate, milk chocolate and dark chocolate.
These 3 varieties also come in distinct flavours such as coconut, cocoa nibs, salted and even spicy categories like ginger, lemon, turmeric and any flavour that excites your senses.
Kamini Chocolate can be customised to your taste, size, shape and packaging for your loved ones.
Kamini produces chocolate for individuals with special dietary needs. We care about your sugar, dairy and even weight loss concerns.

With KAMINI, you can indulge and binge without guilt because we give you what you want.
If you know anyone who loves Chocolate especially chocolate made from Ghana’s premium Cocoa beans, then try Kamini and you won’t regret it.
If you want to surprise a loved one with something personal and special choose Kamini Chocolate
If you want to propose to that special girl or lady, call KAMINI to Chocolate to curate something for you including the ring surprise factor.

If you want branded chocolates for birthdays, family occasions as well as festive seasons then Kamini is your go to brand.
For the love of Chocolate, the darker the healthier and because it’s made in Ghana the better.
Personally, the darker the better, the spicier the sexier and the more flavoured the better.

Want something chocolaty and creamy to try this valentine, watch out for my next post where I share my favourite sweet and sexy mood mix with you.

Different shades of GREY- the fibroid factor

Dear younger self,

In order to set the tone for this very difficult and uncomfortable yet realistic conversation, I want you to take another critical look at this prayer of serenity which I believe you have come across many times in your 24 years of existence. 

“God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next”.

I know the pain you feel and the confusion going on in your head right now. You are almost losing your sanity over the hospital report in your hand.  The questions are endless with no appropriate answer in sight. Well, thank God for hindsight, here is what I have to tell you now. At the end of the day, you still have to make a choice, stick by it and pay the price. 

Let’s start with your problems; you are only 24 years old, in school and diagnosed with fibroids- though not cancerous, the aftermath of choices can be deadly to your mental health.

First of all, you are not ready psychologically, emotionally , physically, mentally and financially to bring a child into this world. Yes, the doctor told you the only option you have is to remove those growing non-human bumps within you as soon as possible and immediately start working towards having babies. Reason? Babies are the only things that prevent fibroids from recurring growth after they appear without invitation.

Secondly, you are not in a relationship. So even if you should say yes to any of those suitors, what is the possibility that they would want to stick by you after knowing that you are sitting on a time bomb?

So you keep asking what are my options? What is the way forward? Well, there is no one way forward, there are many ways forward and they are “different shades of GREY”.

Let me help you with some real life scenarios- the best and worse depends on how you look at it. What is the right thing to do to save your womanhood?What is right for you as a person based on your philosophy? What is right by society? And what is morally acceptable in your world?

You may not have social support for the choices you will make now with regards to how to save your womanhood but i can confidently tell you that 15 years from now, no one will care except that you will have someone to call you a mother and others will not treat you with disdain for not having a child.

So here are some possibilities 

  • Your boyfriend could leave you now because he is not ready to father a child -you are both not gainfully employed and  have no reliable source of income.
  • You could marry right away and still have no babies ; the reason for a rush marriage in the first palace. The absence of which could even cause you more pain in a marry.
  • You could marry and miscarry in succession as if it were a normal everyday occurrence even though it is not  
  • You could have one or two now and lose them along the journey of life and end up desolate and childless in your old age.

Worse case scenarios

Find a random person to get you pregnant now, hawk, hustle your way through with a child till your big break happens.

Options from men

  • You can be my baby mama just to solve your problem
  • I want more children but my wife can’t have more kids so you can do that for me
  • I can donate my sperm but I can’t promise I will be there. You have to handle the rest yourself

Financially sound options- now or a few years along the way

  • Find a donor from a sperm bank 
  • Freeze your eggs
  • Pay a surrogate 
  • IVF options 
  • Become a surrogate while waiting.

The obvious option. 

You have a boyfriend who is ready to marry you in the next 3 years. While you are waiting and hustling, be sure you know about status i.e rhesus factor etc: If the two of you are compatible to make babies in the first place and most importantly if the tadpoles are healthy survivors not just swimmers. Remember that a man with low sperm count  issues can find solutions quickly depending on how committed he is to you, while you are both waiting and trusting God. However,  If after 3 years, the fibroid grows back and his problem is solved, you will not get the emotional and psychological support you had from the onset.

He could get another woman pregnant to prove a point, satisfy his ego and tell you to get lost, after which you will be called all kinds of names.

All the options are unimaginably painful but remember that when the lights are out,and your head is on your pillow, what you feel and how you feel about your choices will be the most important thing. If you have peace then you are in a good place. 

So dear younger self, make a choice but ever so often, refer yourself to the serenity prayer and trust that only you can pay the prices for the choices you make as a woman living with fibroids. It’s not cancerous but the pain of not making a good and a womb-saving choice sooner or later can be cancerous to your heart and only you can feel it because you know when it hurts the most.

My little lady, be strong, be strong for yourself, and be stronger for the sake of the life that your womb will carry someday. For a woman living with fibroids, strength is a virtue. You need the strength to deal with the pain, the bloating, the bleeding and the emotional blues. More often than not, you will go through these moments alone. So again I say be strong.

Keep praying and trusting but don’t ever think the will of God is a straight line. It isn’t. 

However, find a place to hide this scripture on your heart ” …And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” 

Romans 8:28

Till you hear from me gain,

Love you

Yours truly

Older self 

#views from the 4th floor.

Mother’s Day; Before &After

Dear lady in waiting, (Part 1)


For you who never carried pregnancy to a full term

For you did not even complete a trimester

For you who slept in the labour ward but never took a baby home

For you who knows the joy of conception, the pain of contraction but no experience of carrying

For you who completed a full cycle, did exclusive breastfeeding but never celebrated a first birthday

For you who carried 7 full terms but buried each 7 days of the week

For you who does not even know the cravings that comes with feeling pregnant

For you who is now a reflection of yourself for you work to pay for IVF.

For you who was told ” You did not give our son a child so we do not want you anymore “

For you who have been called a man because you were born wombless or life’s tragedy rendered you wombless

For you who feels fear the day before Mother’s day, a pain in your heart on Mother’s day and an emptiness the day after….
I say to you, You are not alone
I tell you, do not despair
I whisper to you Hope! Hope!! Hope!!!
I assure you there is light at the end of the tunnel.

If you don’t know anyone who ever waited that long, Remember Racheal, remember Hannah, Sarah and Lilly…

Remember to gather strength, for you will need it to push when the babies come.

@ Mother’s day 2021

#letters

#motherhood

#journey

Dear Self

Dear Self,


Congratulations! 🥂
Today is the first time I have intentionally looked at you- looked deep into your eyes, and with a smile just to say congratulations.

You have done well and you did better than you care to admit to yourself. Even though you have lost a great deal of your happy-go-lucky charm, you have not lost it all.
You still sing a beautiful tune to life with your positive outlook.

Even though you don’t walk with your shoulders high, you haven’t lost your poise.

Even though those eyes have cried a sea of tears, you haven’t lost the gaze that speaks boldly to anyone who dares to look.Your eyes still smile with genuineness and passion for life.
Girl, Congratulations! Because you have been true to yourself both in joy and pain.

You have emerged on the other side , bold, beautiful and blessed. Here you are present and perfect even without all the expected.

Cheers to you. Cheers to the girl on the other side. She is amazing to behold.
No shame
No guilt
No self doubt.
Hey Girl, Remember to remember yourself and oh don’t take yourself for granted because you rock and solid as gold.

See you soon.
Yours truly
Girl in the mirror.

#letters, #love, #life, #journey #BeReal #reflections

Letter to my son.

“I want a girlfriend now”

Dear son,

Congratulations on reaching a significant milestone in your life. I like to call it the first quarter of your life here on earth. At 25, you are in training to becoming a professional in your field of interest.
You have a remarkably spent your extra time well by investing in extracurricular activities that I believe are seeds that if fallen on a good ground, you shall reap in the not-too-distant future.

You are grounded in Christianity and not ashamed to be identified as such. I can tell you all this is a significant achievement. I dare say that at 25, you have done better than your father and your grandfather. It is a good thing. That means there is a deliberate effort to ensure that you as a third-generation boy of the family does better than those before you. Your sister keeps saying you “cook & clean”. Is that enough reason to get a girl?

Now, its time for a “girlfriend”. It was a statement directed at me so here goes:
So here is what I want you to consider- just as the psalmist said in Proverbs 31:1-9, before you get one. Oh yes, proverbs 31 is not only for women, so go back and read that again.

• First of all, I am proud you have not scattered the offshoot of our manhood all over the place by being a young irresponsible father. I am proud no woman has a reason to curse you or say vile things about you.
• But let me caution you, once a woman comes into your life, you must be responsible for her and for yourself.
• You must be ready to learn and understand how to cope, manage and handle a woman. The good book teaches that for a man to be happy, he must deal with a woman in knowledge. (1Peter 3:7).
• Know that this journey is a never-ending road and for you to be a good partner and husband, getting knowledge is key. Ask any man who thought they already know and did not humble themselves to learn, what it cost them and how much it cost them.

So, who is the young woman?
At this point in your life, what kind of girl do you want or need? There is what a man wants and what a man needs. Over the years, we have seen how at the beginning stage of the life of young men, they scout for virtuous and “homely or what they call good girls” to struggle with them. More often than not, the ladies put their dreams on hold for the man to achieve a bigger vision, then after 5 to 10 years when the vision is made manifest, she is no longer good enough. The men at that point say they desire a better person. In other words, “slay queens or trophy wives”.

Be warned that if she invested her youth in building a vision with you and for you, she will be tired and exhausted if you don’t also give her the same attention in equal measure or even more. Remember the ewe proverb, the right hand washes the left, and the left hand washes the right.

Is it help me finish my course or it is let’s do this and for the long haul?
Again, let me warn you, visions change and dreams die. Be reminded that if that day ever comes and she says she is better off else where because she has seen a better star or vison, do not force her to stay; for you shall spend the rest of your life regretting if she stays against her will.

I can tell you that a lot changes in every full circle. Take that to be decade. This is 2021, by 2030, where would you be and what would the world be like? No one can tell for corona has come to teach us that nothing is ever going to be static or reliable, except the surest word of God.
Just make sure that you don’t ever leave trails of women with broken hearts along the way, for the evil that men do in the begging shall surely hunt in the end.
If you find her, ask her important questions. Know her believes and her thought pattern. No one is perfect but when the two of you meet and agrees that your heart beats together, then you can give each other a chance.

Remember that you are two imperfect persons trying to build a perfect life. You are both diamond in the rough and will rub against each other to become smooth.
Receive the blessings of a mother. Choose your path, walk it, learn your lessons, live your life to glorify God and be true to yourself.
Let’s talk again before you say “I DO”.

A mother,

Yours truly.

letters

realitiesoflife

sonsanddaughters

Letter to March 2020

Dear March 2020,

You started like any other month and we received you with high expectations. We often do, because you are the last born of the first quarter and you mostly transition us to Easter- one of the most loved holiday periods for both Christians and non Christians.

However, our expectations did not even last the minutes of the shortest ejaculation in human history. You shook the foundation of the earth. You shook the foundation of countries and started to expose the inherent weaknesses of our so called robust systems, from our health and financial systems to even the most feared armies of the world. You even shook the foundation of families and that of our faith; faith in whatever we believed in. 

You exposed to humanity the side of us we all forgot existed. Solidarity without suspicion and comradery with extra dose of compassion.

You also exposed to us our selfish nature. On individual and household levels, you exposed our gluttonous nature as we scrambled to empty the isles and deplete stores without a care at that particular moment of buying.

You exposed our fear of not having enough of anything and everything as the singular reason behind our fights at the supermarkets and farmers markets across the world.

You undoubtedly exposed us to ourselves- we are better than our designer brands, we are better than our overstuffed larders’ and we are definitely better than our fake and false lifestyle.

Ohhhh! How art the mighty fallen; you subtly used handwashing and breathing that we take for granted to communicate to us all, that we are nothing- nothing after all.
Wash your hands!
Don’t touch surfaces !
Cover your nose and mouth. We hear you loud and clear. Yes we do, but doing these continually seems more difficult than doing a presentation at TedX.

We humans are simply vulnerable.

Dear March,  you brought us #covid19 in #2020. We have learned our lessons and still learning. One thing we  are certain about though is that, our lives will never be the same when covid19 is over. 

We would be better human beings once again and won’t take simple things like washing hands for granted at the expense of building nuclear bombs. Even Putin and Trump know better now- because covid 19 ain’t no respecter of persons.

We would never forget you. March 2020, our grandchildren and great grandchildren shall hear of your entry, exploits and exit.

So long March 2020. See you in the history books.

Yours truly,
Blaqgoldwrites 

Lettertothemonths

CovidDiaries

Gratitude 

Letter to February,

Dear February 2020,

Thank you February 2020. When you go, tell the others who are now in the past that I am grateful for their availability and presence in my life at some point. So when you meet March at midnight before you exchange hands at 60 seconds away from transition,  tell her to be nice to me and my loved ones. Tell her we await her with hope and faith, trusting that she will give us each day enough opportunities to explore. Opportunities to work, eat, love and pray.

Tell her I am asking on behalf of my family and friends that she gives us enough time to savor the best moments and patience to deal with the things that we think are slow per our time and calculations. You know we don’t control the arms of the clock but we are good at controlling it indirectly.

Tell her we expect her to come with cleaner air since you gave us a run for our money with lots of hot humid dust air: and those coughs 🤦‍♀️, we pray it is not corona that is coming in.

We would appreciate her for that. We look forward to March, since she will transition us into the Easter month 😃Yeyyyyyyy.

Tell her we welcome her with open arms

Thank you February for being one of the best months.

So long Feb, See you in the history books📚.

#Letterstothemonths

#Gratitude

#Viewsfromthetop

Yours truly,

Blaqgoldwrites 

Dear God,

Dear God, 

Now more than ever, we see the need to depend on you. So how are you doing up there with all of us calling on you?

I bet you are smiling down on us and nodding your head because for once in a fast-paced life, the globe has stopped.

We have all stopped to think and re-examine our lives. 

I bet you are excited because, we are learning the basics such as washing hands and staying healthy.

Forgive our hypocrisy as we lament about social distancing. I bet you are asking us, are you not the same people who sit at social gatherings including church and barely utter a meaningful greeting to one another? 

Now we are in close spaces but obliged to keep “safe distances”. You would have said it serves you right, if you were human. But you are not, so look upon us with mercy.

We are un-learning self acquired destructive habits such as being careless in public and our homes.

If for nothing at all, when all this is over, we shall all be reminded of the importance of dining together, shaking hands with meaning and above all hugging with purpose and passion. The purpose of giving assurance and passion of giving warmth.

I bet you are happy we have learnt our lessons from over dependence on our devices at the expense of our loved ones. We sit across a table with our eyes glued to our devices, not the one in front of us. We pay attention to the person on the other side of the device not the one in front of us.

Now, thanks to Corona, we are forced to share spaces with meaning, eat with purpose and not throw food away without a thought: for we are unsure of how long this will last and every morsel has a significant value. Thank you for the lesson on value. Value for life, value for relationships and value for preservation and safety.

Thank you for exposing our inherent weaknesses to us as humans. Today, I am reminded that man proposes but God disposes. 

Dear God, for those of us who need the Pastor’s touch to know there is a God, you have given us the opportunity to think and experience otherwise. I pray that you help our weak faith and grant us miracles in our homes as we now learn total dependence on you : and un-learn the total dependence on the hands of man. Indeed,  the arm of flesh shall fail and it has.

Dear God, we learn rather fast, and have learnt our lessons, please do not let this Corona tarry in our cities for long. We pray and plead your mercy. Heal our hearts, heal our land and heal our world.

Dear God, it’s me again, thank you; for Corona has brought me out of my hibernation.

Yours truly,

Miss Nukunu 

@ Blaqgoldwrites